Over the past few years, this introspection has entailed virtually one post reinforcing my commitment followed by few ramblings, followed by another resolve, and then few more ramblings, and so on, till the excitement tapers down.
Just a simple plotting of posts over the past 12 years reflects my diminishing enthusiasm towards writing and expressing myself. Ironically, if I was to plot the number of books and deep articles I have read over these many years, it would just be the reverse pattern.
As I wrote almost a year back…
Lets Restart. For I am not done.
Not done to Let go of this passion of reading the world through my eyes
Not done to stop learning as I keep sharing – not to increase readers, but for the joy of sharing
Not done to stop reading – reading between the Ps around me……
Well, I have not held this blog tightly yet but I am not letting it go either. It just like those “weekend homes” that are advertised throughout the expressway – when you travel between Pune and Mumbai (Maharashtra) – you visit those places every summer, regret for not being regular there – then decide to nurture it, dream about settling there, making this a daily part of your wonderful life…..come back, spend few days in your regular stressful world and very soon, get back to your chaotic life.
The weekend home stays in your Wishlist, most likely till the next summer vacation!
My quest for perfection and social consciousness keeps me away from pushing the publish button. But why? What stops me?
Maybe I should take a feather from what I learnt in my first year of engineering when we had just joined.
We used to be terribly scared of seniors and ragging and what all they will do to us. Word of mouth only translated into worsening nightmares initially! Every night we used to fret over the next few devils and when they would knock the door and barge in with their weirdest fetishes!
One day a senior gave us a piece of advice that worked wonders for us! He told us, “your fear is your biggest enemy. All you have to do is take away that from yourself. Worst case, be ready to walk out naked during daytime!” It was shocking for us – how could we? what would the world say? Wouldn’t everyone laugh at us?
We started being open (pun intended) to everything. If someone asked us to take off our clothes, we did that without any emotions. If someone asked to make some weird positions, we showcased our inner talent without any guilt! After all, we were ready for the “worst case” – and then we saw it happen in front of us – seniors got bored of us quickly as we happily agreed to dance to their tunes, fear went away and we started enjoying those times. And in this entire fun, we made the best of friends as well. And all this happened without us ever needing to reach the worst case.
Maybe this learning needs to be refreshed and reapplied in a different avatar. Maybe it is time I take the fear out of myself to worry about what the world would think.
Maybe….I need to be ready to walk out naked!
[Pic Sources – Home, Lady]